This post may not be suitable for the kids, and if you are offended, please excuse the foul language. This philosophy however, is too good not to share.
Last year, I read a piece by Mark Manson titled, “F*ck Yes or No.” Mark writes that in our lives we overcomplicate decision making by being somewhere in the middle before taking action. He recommends that instead, when wondering if we should or should not do something, whether its in our careers, relationships, purchases, etc. we decide if it’s either a F*ck Yes, or a F*ck No. Anything in the middle, that we are not really sure about, moves into the F*ck No category.
Some people may ask if this is too severe of a decision making process. I too have asked myself the same question. But in hindsight, the things that I wavered back and forth on and then decided to pursue never truly worked out the way I’d hoped or made me very happy in the process or in the end.
In his post, Mark uses the “F*ck Yes or No” philosophy as it applies to the dating world. He asks, “Would you want to date someone who was unexcited to be with you?” The answer should be a resounding no, but often we wait in a grey area to see how things will turn out. Mark says, that once we are in this grey area, we’re already lost. If you have to convince someone to spend time with you – friends, potential partners, business or otherwise – and you’re working really hard at it, you’re already on the wrong track. Mark also mentions a post by entrepreneur Derek Sivers who applies this philosophy to his professional life; if it’s not a Hell YES! when making a decision, it’s a no. Accept it and move on.
Now, this life philosophy may not be for everyone. Some of us may be more comfortable feeling things out as we go along, perhaps all the way up until something ends poorly or turns out to be fantastic. But I do think there are ways to incorporate the “F*ck Yes or No” philosophy in our lives in small ways until we ultimately feel comfortable with using it as our guidepost. When I’m stuck on making a decision, I even rely on my friends to ask me, “Femi, is this a F*ck No or a F*ck Yes?” If it’s the former, they remind me that I must move on. If it’s a F*ck Yes, they ask, “what the hell are you waiting for?” (h/t Jigga)
I honestly believe the “F*ck Yes or No” philosophy is less about making judgements or being critical of external things, but much more about learning to trust our intuition to guide us toward and away from the things that are meant to be in our lives. The F*ck Yeahs are often the things and people that will inspire and bring us the energy we need to stick with it, even when it may be hard work or not much fun. If we look at it that way, asking ourselves is this a “F*ck Yes or No”?, becomes much less about another person or the potential benefits or consequences of an opportunity, but much more about being deeply in touch with and listening to our truest selves.
My recommendation? Give “F*ck No or F*ck Yes” a try. It is certainly not a way of life for the faint of heart, and you may lose a few potential friends and/or miss out on what appear to be great opportunities. But I guarantee, and can personally attest that it will bring you much richer, meaningful experiences into your life about which you are excited to pursue and that will excitedly pursue you.
In the end, it’s a win-win for everyone.
So, what will it be? Make it a F*ck Yes.
Read more at MarkManson.net.
Until next time.